Learning Lao has not been easy. Admittedly, I’ve been key-kahn (lazy) in studying Lao, finding it easier to do a series of grunts and charades than trying to master the six tones and complicated vowel sounds from books like Lao for Beginners. I have picked up important phrases, such as lieu baw sai – “without blood” – or else my noodle soup would come with chunks of pig blood tofu.

Some words have been easier to remember than others. For example, “key” is a versatile word, a building block to form a whole series of other words.

“Key” is the word for poo in Lao.

Infantile? Perhaps. But it’s a well known fact in marketing that hard “k” sounds are memorable and impactful (Kodak, Coca-Cola, Krispy Kreme, Kinkos). Key is used to describe any sort of rubbish. When combined with other words, instead of inventing a whole new word, it very simply and logically describes what it is. So allow me to give you an introductory lesson in Lao. Sesame Street is brought to you today by the word “key.”

key-kahn= lazy

key-doo = naughty

key-nok = bird shit, used to describe someone who is smelly, also an insult, example: falang key-nok

key-koi = buffalo shit. Swear word, very insulting.

key-meo = cat poo, also the nickname for a sweet, crispy Luang Prabang treat made from rice flour and coconut (yeah, they’re shaped like cat turds)

key-hai = very ugly, pronounced key-lai in northern Laos

key-men = smelly poo

key-ma = dog poo

key-mau = a drunkard

key-lak = cheater

key-ngua = rubbish

key-mo = sweet talker

key-kuk = ex-con, someone just out of jail

key-soo = a bluffer

key-tao = armpit B.O., stinky armpits

key-dahng = boogers

key-hu = earwax, literally “ear poo”

key-taa = the stuff in sleepy eyes

key-keo = food on your teeth

key-nee = someone that borrows money and never pays you back

key-tua = liar

hu-key = asshole

key-tao = ash from a fire